“I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do…”
7 words I heard just a few weeks ago that have broken my heart into a million pieces.
Before my husband and I got together some 8 or so years ago I had adopted a kitten. ‘Packets’ was her name due to her obsession with chewing plastic haha!
However, I didn't think her name suited her and until I could figure out a new name for her, I just called her my little princess, issue was after weeks of not being able to decide on a name for her she had gotten used to the name princess and so that was it, her name became… Princess. (Prin for short)
She was always a very anxious cat from being a kitten and struggled with stress conditions as a result but with regular visits to the vets and daily medication it was always fairly under control. apart from her anxiety she kind of ran the house, she was playful, bossy, demanding, loving and had a sassy attitude. Things were on Prins terms, we all knew it and loved her for it.
That was until the shocking news that blindsided us a few weeks back.
We’d taken Princess to the vet for what we believed to be a routine check-up and examination…. That was until later that day when I went to collect her.
I could tell on the vets face that something wasn’t right, but I could have never predicted what was about to happen…
The vet proceeded to show me a scan of Princess that had identified a vast tumour that was occupying most of her bladder. She’d had a scan just months earlier and not a sign of anything.
“I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do, it’s growing so fast… I hate to give you this news, but my advice is to choose a day in the next 2 or 3 weeks to have her put her to sleep”.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing…
“surely this must be a mistake?”
“surely we can operate?”
The questions were flying out of my mouth in complete disbelief at what I was hearing.
Unfortunately, that day came last week. Wednesday 19th May 2021 – The day we said goodbye.
As I write this, we’re two days on now and barely a few hours go bye in between my tears, to say I’m heartbroken would be an understatement.
**(I wrote this blog post last week but was too upset to post it until today.)
Today 29th May I am a little further on in the grief process and although it is still painful to talk about I am in a more stable headspace. I want to let anyone that is going through this or about to go through this that losing anyone or anything you love so dearly is devastating but with time and allowing yourself to process your emotions and what has happened the dark cloud starts to lift bit by bit.
I know death is part of having pets, but it doesn’t make it any easier and I’m still in utter disbelief and shock that my little tiger cub is no longer here.
No longer running around the landing like a wild-eyed lunatic.
No longer tapping my face to wake me up in the morning to feed her.
No longer chasing the red dot of the laser pen like her life depended on catching it.
And despite how much those little needle teeth hurt, I even miss her biting me when she decided playtime was over, ha.
All that’s left is the happy memories she blessed us with and the knowledge that we gave her a great life, even if it ended far too early.
I will forever miss you Princess.
Now, you may wonder why I’m sharing this…
If I’m truly honest, there’s three main reasons.
Firstly, putting these words down is helping me to deal with the sadness I feel.
Second, I know from the kind messages that some of you are going through or are about to go through something similar with your pets and I just want you to know you are not alone with how you are feeling.
Third, some of you may have noticed I’ve not been very active on social media lately, and I certainly haven’t showed my face much this past week.
Truth is, I look in the mirror and all I see right now is my puffy face, swollen eyes and sadness from all the countless hours of crying.
My confidence has taken a hit and all I’ve wanted to do is hide.
Some may think this is weird given COABE is all about helping real women find their true selves and live with confidence, but here’s the reality of this…
Confidence is not a switch you turn on and off at will, at least not on the inside.
Far too often as women we put on a brave face to protect ourselves from others, but inside can feel broken.
If like me, things aren’t great for you right now for whatever reason, it’s OK.
Don’t expect too much of yourself. Allow yourself time to process and recover from whatever it is you are dealing with.
As the song says, it’s OK not to be OK. It really is.
I also want to say THANK YOU.
The messages I’ve received over the last week have helped me more than you could possibly know. I feel so lucky to have amazing people around both as friends and customers, you mean the world to me.
You’ve shown me that as women we really can build each other up, support each other and help each other through times of need.
When I started COABE I had a vision of creating a brand that could bring real women together and help each other grow. That vision is happening before my very eyes and whilst I may have taken some alone time this past week or two, as I deal with the grief I’m feeling, I will be back to continue to build on the vision that’s already a reality.
Love and hugs